In this podcast Alan discusses the perceived need for 'agreement' in order to move forward in many difficult situations. Very often this can be the cause of not moving forward in such situations because an obsession with and sense of dependency on 'the other person(s)' agreement being necessary. In many situations this is not essential for moving forward and people's focus on agreement being necessary can lead to personal comments, coercive behaviour, abuse and even violence in order to try to 'control' their views and ensure their agreement.
Where we can come to an acceptance of someone else's different point of view it means we can focus on what we can do without that requirement for agreement being in place. An understanding of their reasons for not agreeing with us and having a different perspective, without seeing that openness to hearing and understanding them as a threat to our own perspective can provide us with various creative opportunities in our own moving forward, even where we find it baffling that the other person could hold such a view.
Enabling our focus to be on continuing on our own journey rather than trying to force others to join us allows for disagreement without destructiveness, abuse or even violence. Instead it provides an opportunity for acceptance, non-dependence, openness to other possibilities and allows the focus of our energy on the creation of new ways forward rather than the destruction of the other and their viewpoints, the worst situations of course being where we try to destroy both.
Disagreement, when carried through constructively, can be a humbling, stimulating, creative opportunity for evolving and adapting instead of a destructive experience of entrenchment, despair, frustration and 'war'.
Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 26 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.
He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk
Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland
If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype or FaceTime or Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html
Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/
Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com
Books and ebooks:
The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html
How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316
A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221
CREDITS
Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200