In this episode, Rachel Boyle discusses the transformative journey of perimenopause, emphasizing the importance of living truthfully and establishing boundaries. She highlights how boundaries serve as acts of self-care and are essential for fostering authentic intimacy in relationships. By communicating and sharing boundaries, individuals can transition from feelings of resentment to understanding and from exhaustion to deeper connections with their partners.Takeaways• Perimenopause encourages a more truthful way of living.• Boundaries honor the truth in ourselves and our relationships.• Pia Melody emphasizes boundaries as self-care acts.• Boundaries facilitate authentic intimacy with partners.• Sharing boundaries can reduce resentment in relationships.• Effective communication is key to understanding in partnerships.• Establishing boundaries can lead to deeper connections.• Perimenopause can be a catalyst for personal growth.• Understanding oneself is crucial during perimenopause.• Healthy relationships thrive on clear boundaries.Keywords:perimenopause, boundaries, self-care, authentic intimacy, relationships, self-containment, communication, understanding, connection, Pia Melody
In this episode of the Burn the Rulebook Podcast, Rachel Boyle explores the complexities of desire, particularly focusing on the differences between spontaneous and responsive desire. She discusses how societal expectations can create feelings of shame for those who do not experience spontaneous desire, especially women. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding one's unique desire style and creating a supportive environment for intimacy. Practical tools and insights are provided to help listeners nurture their desire and improve their sexual relationships.00:00 Understanding Desire: An Introduction01:38 Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire03:56 The Role of Context in Desire06:12 Communication and Connection in Relationships08:33 Creating an Environment for Desire to ThriveTakeaways:• Desire can fluctuate, especially during perimenopause.Spontaneous desire appears suddenly, while responsive desire needs context.• Understanding your desire style can reduce shame.• Responsive desire is common in long-term relationships.• Chore play can enhance intimacy and desire.• Creating a safe and low-stress environment is crucial for desire.• Open communication about desires can strengthen relationships.• Both spontaneous and responsive desires are valid and healthy.• Desire isn't broken; it just needs the right conditions to thrive.• Reading 'Come As You Are' can provide deeper insights into desire.Keywords:desire, sexuality, spontaneous desire, responsive desire, intimacy, relationships, communication, arousal, emotional connection, sexual health
In this episode of the Burn the Rulebook Podcast, Rachel Boyle discusses the complexities of sex and intimacy during perimenopause. She introduces the concept of the four pillars of sex, which include medical factors, relationship dynamics, personal sexual satisfaction, and cultural messages. By understanding these pillars, women can navigate the changes in their bodies and relationships, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling sexual experience in midlife.
Takeaways
Tags:
perimenopause, sex, intimacy, hormonal changes, relationship dynamics, cultural messages, sexual health, libido, emotional well-being, therapy
In this episode of the Burn the Rule Book podcast, guest Dr. Harita Raja, a board-certified psychiatrist specializing in women's mental health, discusses the critical issues surrounding perimenopause and menopause. She highlights the significant gaps in training for healthcare providers regarding women's hormonal health and the impact of these changes on mental well-being. The conversation delves into the manifestations of anxiety and depression during these transitions, the importance of hormone replacement therapy, and the role of trauma in women's mental health. Dr. Raja emphasizes the need for education, community support, and holistic treatment approaches to empower women during this challenging phase of life.
Takeaways
In this episode of the Burn the RuleBook podcast, Rachel Boyle discusses the role of testosterone in enhancing libido during midlife, particularly in the context of menopause. She emphasizes that while testosterone can be beneficial, it is not a standalone solution. The conversation explores the complexity of desire, the importance of emotional safety, and the four pillars that contribute to a healthy sex life. Rachel also provides practical advice for women looking to revive their libido, including exploring personal pleasure and addressing underlying emotional issues.
Takeaways
Keywords:
testosterone, libido, midlife, menopause, sexual health, relationships, women's health, therapy, emotional safety, pleasure
Summary
This episode of the Burn the RuleBook podcast addresses the critical issue of misdiagnosis of mental health conditions in perimenopausal and menopausal women. It highlights the hormonal changes that can lead to symptoms often misattributed to psychiatric disorders, the importance of proper screening, and the need for evidence-based treatment. The host emphasizes the necessity for women to advocate for themselves in seeking appropriate care and understanding the impact of hormonal fluctuations on mental health.
Takeaways
Keywords:
perimenopause, menopause, mental health, misdiagnosis, antidepressants, hormone replacement therapy, women's health, psychiatric disorders, mood swings, anxiety
Summary
In this conversation, Rachel Boyle explores the theme of people pleasing, particularly in the context of perimenopause. She discusses how societal conditioning has led many women to prioritize others' needs over their own, often resulting in emotional exhaustion. As women enter perimenopause, they may feel a shift that prompts them to question this lifelong habit. Rachel provides practical steps for reclaiming one's voice and setting boundaries, emphasizing the importance of self-respect and community support.
Takeaways
People pleasing is a survival strategy learned early in life.
Cultural norms condition women to prioritize others' needs.
Perimenopause can trigger a reevaluation of self-identity.
The decline in estrogen affects mood and stress management.
People pleasing can lead to burnout and resentment.
Setting boundaries is essential for emotional health.
Disappointing others can be a path to self-respect.
Clear communication is key to setting boundaries.
Surround yourself with supportive friends.
Start small when practicing boundary-setting.
Keywords:
perimenopause, people pleasing, self-identity, boundaries, midlife, emotional health, women's health, personal growth, mindset shift, self-respect
Titles
Reclaiming Your Voice in Midlife
The Cost of People Pleasing
Sound bites
"Perimenopause is the breaking point."
"People pleasing comes at a cost."
"What do I want to do now?"
Chapters
00:00 Rachel
00:45 Understanding People Pleasing in Women
03:48 The Impact of Perimenopause on People Pleasing
06:32 Steps to Reclaim Your Voice and Boundaries
Summary
In this episode, Rachel Boyle discusses the intersection of perimenopause and people pleasing, highlighting how this phase of life can lead to an emotional awakening. She explores the psychological and cultural factors that contribute to women's tendency to prioritize others over themselves, the impact of hormonal changes on emotional well-being, and practical strategies for setting boundaries and reclaiming personal space. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and the potential for growth during this transitional period.
Takeaways
Perimenopause is not just a biological shift; it's an emotional awakening.
Women often feel the weight of people pleasing during perimenopause.
Cultural conditioning teaches women to prioritize others' needs over their own.
The fawn response is a survival mechanism that leads to people pleasing.
Anger during perimenopause can signal the need for boundary setting.
Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable but is necessary for self-care.
No is a complete sentence; you don't owe anyone an explanation.
Gratefulness can sometimes be weaponized against women.
Perimenopause can be a crossroads for personal growth and realignment.
Imagining a life centered around oneself is not selfish, but necessary.
Sound bites
"You are not alone in this journey."
"No is a complete sentence."
"It's time to stop over-functioning."
Keywords:
perimenopause, people pleasing, emotional awakening, boundaries, cultural conditioning, fawn response, mental health, women's health, self-care, empowerment
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Perimenopause Awakening
00:45 Understanding People Pleasing in Perimenopause
01:07 Understanding Perimenopause and People Pleasing
03:46 The Psychological Impact of Perimenopause
06:52 Cultural Conditioning and Its Effects on Women
09:35 The Fawn Response: A Survival Mechanism
12:21 Awakening to Anger and Setting Boundaries
15:33 Creating a Life Centered on You
Summary
In this episode, Rachel Boyle explores the overwhelming feelings many women experience during midlife, particularly during perimenopause and menopause. She discusses the emotional and mental labor that women often carry, the impact of hormonal changes, and practical strategies for rebalancing responsibilities. Rachel emphasizes the importance of recognizing the invisible load women bear and encourages seeking professional support to navigate these challenges effectively.
Takeaways
Midlife can feel overwhelming due to emotional and hormonal shifts.
Women often carry an invisible load of emotional labor.
Hormonal changes during perimenopause can affect stress management.
The Fair Play framework helps make invisible work visible.
Women are often taught to manage everything on their own.
Recognizing the mental load is crucial for balance.
Therapy can provide strategies for redistributing responsibilities.
Scheduling rest is essential for mental health.
Finding a menopause-trained provider can be beneficial.
Couples therapy can help address resistance in sharing responsibilities.
Keywords
midlife, overwhelm, emotional labor, perimenopause, menopause, mental load, hormonal changes, Fair Play, therapy, support
Titles
Navigating Midlife Overwhelm
The Hidden Burden of Emotional Labor
Sound bites
"Why do I feel like I'm suddenly falling apart?"
"You need to make the invisible work visible."
"Couples therapy can help sort out resistance."
Chapters
00:00 Understanding Midlife Overwhelm
00:28 The Impact of Emotional and Mental Labor
00:48 Understanding the Invisible Load of Women
03:47 The Impact of Hormones on Mental Load
06:32 Recognizing Overwhelm in Midlife
09:14 Strategies for Sharing the Load
11:55 Finding Support and Professional Help
Summary
In this episode of the Burn The Rule Book podcast, Rachel Boyle explores the intricate relationship between anxiety and menopause, particularly focusing on the physiological aspects. She discusses how hot flashes and anxiety are interconnected through the autonomic nervous system, emphasizing the role of hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause. Rachel introduces polyvagal theory to explain the body's response to perceived threats and offers practical tools for managing anxiety, including breathing techniques and movement exercises. The episode aims to empower listeners with knowledge and strategies to navigate anxiety during this transitional phase of life.
Takeaways
Anxiety can feel more intense during perimenopause and menopause.
Hot flashes and anxiety are highly correlated.
The autonomic nervous system governs both anxiety and hot flashes.
Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are responses to perceived threats.
Estrogen plays a critical role in regulating the nervous system.
Cortisol levels can become elevated during menopause, leading to anxiety.
Understanding the biology of anxiety can help reduce self-blame.
Practical tools like breathing and movement can help manage anxiety.
Polyvagal theory provides insight into the body's response to stress.
Finding a menopause specialist can provide additional support.
Keywords
menopause, anxiety, hot flashes, nervous system, polyvagal theory, hormonal changes, mental health, coping strategies, stress management, women's health
Titles
Navigating Anxiety During Menopause
The Science Behind Menopausal Anxiety
Sound bites
"These tools can help you feel better fast."
"Find a menopause trained specialist for support."
"You are not imagining the connection."
Chapters
00:00 Understanding Anxiety in Menopause
03:12 The Connection Between Hot Flashes and Anxiety
06:06 The Role of Hormones in Anxiety
08:54 Tools for Regulating Anxiety
11:44 Conclusion and Key Takeaways
Episode 3: Anxiety & Perimenopause—What’s Really Going On
Welcome back to Burn the Rule Book, the podcast where we explore menopause, mental health, and relationships—one truth at a time. In this episode, host Rachel Boyle—licensed couples and sex therapist, and certified menopause specialist—dives into how anxiety can suddenly appear or intensify during perimenopause.
You'll learn:
What’s actually happening to your brain during menopause (spoiler: it’s not just in your head)
How hormonal changes, especially declining estrogen, affect mood, memory, and emotional regulation
The real story behind hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and how it may help with anxiety
Practical, science-backed tools you can use right now to calm your nervous system
Rachel also introduces techniques like bilateral stimulation, box breathing, and five-senses grounding—simple but powerful methods rooted in trauma therapy and neuroscience.
Whether you’ve dealt with anxiety for years or are feeling it for the first time, this episode offers insight, validation, and support. You're not broken—you're going through a major neurological shift, and you're not alone.
🎧 Listen now, share with a friend, and check the show notes for links to the books mentioned: The Menopause Brain by Dr. Lisa Mosconi and Estrogen Matters by Dr. Avrum Bluming.
Host: Rachel Boyle, Licensed Couples and Individual Therapist, Sex Therapist, and Certified Menopause Specialist
Episode Overview: In this episode, Rachel Boyle shares her personal journey into specializing in women's sexual health, particularly focusing on the often-overlooked phase of perimenopause. She discusses the systemic gaps in medical training regarding women's health and the importance of understanding one's own body to advocate for better care.
Key Topics:
Rachel's personal experience with perimenopause and the lack of awareness in the medical community. The role of hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone in overall health. The impact of menopause on relationships and sexual health. The importance of informed communication in building healthier relationships. Resources and training that helped Rachel become a specialist in women's sexual health.
Notable Quotes:
"I realized I had been completely uninformed about my own body." "This wasn't just my story, this is the story of so many women out there." "When women were simply informed, they would have sighs of relief."
Resources Mentioned:
Podcasts by Dr. Kelly Caspersen and Dr. Heather Hirsch "Estrogen Matters" by Dr. Avrum Blooming "It's All in Her Head" by Dr. Elizabeth Komen
If you're experiencing changes in mood, sleep, libido, or relationships, and feel dismissed by the medical field, this podcast is for you. You're not alone, and you deserve real support.
#MidlifeHealth #MenopauseAwareness #WomensHealth #Perimenopause
In this episode of the Burn the Rulebook podcast, host Rachel Boyle delves into the often misunderstood world of perimenopause. Discover the eight most common symptoms, why lab tests might not provide the answers you seek, and how to find a well-trained women's health provider. Rachel shares valuable insights and resources to help you navigate this transitional phase with confidence.
Understanding perimenopause and its impact on your body and mind. Why lab tests may not reflect your true hormonal state. Finding a trained provider: Resources and red flags to watch out for. The importance of breaking the silence around menopause and seeking support.
Menopause Society: menopause.org
ISSWSH International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health The Menopause Society: isswsh.com
MIDI Health: midihealth.com
Alloy: myalloy.com
#Perimenopause #WomensHealth #MenopauseAwareness