On today’s episode of BossMakeHer, communication strategist and founder of The Elevate Way, Micky Lazic, delves into the psychology of “should.” When we start thinking in “shoulds”–where we should be in our career, that we should be doing more–we are assuming, falsely, that there is one fixed reality for everyone. She’ll explain why the answer to avoiding this confusion is in shifting to a curiosity mindset, and from ‘should’ to ‘could.’ She also reveals the important but tricky question we must ask ourselves about why we’re so preoccupied with doing so much all the time.
Despite often being confused for each other, confidence and self-esteem are distinct, as Micky explains with enlightening definitions for each, and they inform different decision-making processes. When we see another person whom we assume has confidence, it may be that they are radiating what Micky calls “me-ness,” which is really a sense of belonging. She offers advice on what we can do to create and bolster that feeling for ourselves in our own lives.
Since the paradigm of confidence is based on heteronormative men, who tend to feel naturally like they belong wherever they are, fostering the same in female executives can help ensure that they find our authentic roles in the corporate space and with much less friction in the job search. Micky provides some actionable steps toward forging that clearer connection to ourselves.
Quotes
“Whenever we say I shouldn't be doing or they should be doing anything… Should assumes that there is a fixed reality that everybody should be abiding by. And we know that that just isn't the case.” (4:28 | Micky)
“The other issue that I tend to see, like so many concepts in our world, is the idea that confidence has been defined by men.” (5:56 | Micky)
“Ask yourself, what is the silent expectation that you have that isn't necessarily founded in any fact or truth?” (13:31 | Micky)
“The way I work with confidence, it's rooted in self trust. And it speaks more to your tolerance for taking a risk.” (23:21 | Micky)
“The most important conversation you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself… you have to belong to yourself first, in my opinion, but also to a community at large. ” (28:41 | Micky)
‘When you notice that you're tempted to use the word confidence to describe something that you're longing for, just pause…now we know the opportunity there is to get a better sense of belonging.” (33:59 | Micky)
“So we have women living in masculine energy…but then shutting down a lot of that connection to themselves. And I think if that was clearer, then where they want to go next could be clearer, and how they get there could be calmer.” (36:00 | Tracy)
Links
Connect with Micky Lazic:
Website: https://www.theelevateway.co
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