For all of you who have been following the growing deer menace in our fair city I have good news and bad news. The bad news is the Deer Whisperer has been making progress in militarizing the local deer herds of Tecumseh. The good news is tacos. If the bad news gets you down, just revisit day 12 of this podcast! This is Vox and you’re listening to Not Really Radio
Every sporting goods store in the area reported break-ins and theft last night. So far it seems only items that can be carried without hands have been taken. There is also a great deal of mud, leaves and twigs left at each scene, along with copious piles of little black pellets all over the floors. I don’t suppose I need to tell you what those are.
Reports are flooding into the station as witnesses are describing deer decked out in modified hockey pads and football gear marching together in large well ordered companies with militaristic precision.
The lone figure of the Deer Whisperer is no longer so alone. It seems a gang of deer enthusiasts have joined her cause and are helping prepare her troops for war. What happens when opposable thumbs and intelligent minds team up with deer strength and numbers? The Deerpocalypse is my guess.
The FBCI recently threw a paper airplane through my window that said “We encourage you to not take the Deer Whisperer’s aspirations of total city domination seriously. We sure aren’t. Even so, we’re watching her and her impressively organized deer army closely.”
Sorry boys, I for one am upgrading this story from mild annoyance to looming threat. I hope Chester Chase is following this story.
In the meantime I will continue to bring you updates as I get them.
Last night our fair city was once again filled with an odding wailing sound that instills one with a sense of impending doom. Wonder what that is? Me too! And if Jason was better at science, maybe we’d know something!
In other news, Tim the hydra was seen running in was looked to be terror from a bunch of squirrels wearing tiny sets of fake antlers. He dove head first into the pond by the Community center and was last seen shaking in fear while being comforted by his fiance Candace the sea serpent who makes the pond her home.
I for one can't help but wonder if the Deer Whisperer is attempting to weaponize the squirrels as well as the deer. Strange days, Tecumseh, hug your loved ones close. Until next time this is Vox and you've been listening to Not really radio.
