Today we’re going to dive into the murky depths of back alley euchre, black non-descript government vehicles and you guessed it, talking fish.  This is Vox, and you’re listening to Not Really Radio

Welcome to Day 11 of the best marketing blitz ever, my name is Vox and I’m bringing you all the news you never knew you needed.

The story that’s been on everyone’s mind recently revolves around rumors of a smuggling ring looking to use the redmill pond as a nursery for talking fish. I just received an email from a person who wishes to remain anonymous but whose name rhymes with Smester Smace. Attached is an audio recording from this morning that allegedly contains evidence of a clandestine euchre game that took place in the alley by Muk’s early this morning. My source insisted I play it for you because he’s assuming the FBCI listens to my show. Aww, I’m touched. Let’s have a listen:

1: Do want me to pick it up?

2: Pass

3: Pass

4: Pick it up

2: are you going alone, partner?

4: No, it’s your turn

2: This should give you an idea of what to expect from me

3: Ouch

1: Just play the game, rumor has it Chase is in town and we don’t want to look like talking fish smugglers

3: But we are talking fish smugglers

1: Yeah, but we don’t want to look like talking fish smugglers.

3: Oh, yeah, guess not, are you gonna lay down or what?

2: Have you guys noticed that black non-descript vehicle over by the Boulevard Market?

4: Yeah, I see it, lay down a card

2: Is there an FBCI branch in Tecumseh?

3: Not that I know of

1: What’s trump?

4: Clubs

3: So when will the fish arrive?

2: My guy says they’ll be here in a few days.

1: Hey, how many buyers do we have lined up?

4: The Canadians are interested of course

3: Naturally

4: A British guy just called me yesterday to say the queen is eager to make a purchase as well

1: Did you explain that these aren’t Billy the Big Mouth Bass?

4: No, I figure Caveat emptor

3: I thought we were playing euchre

1: Caveat emptor means buyer beware. He’s saying we’re talking fish smugglers, there’s no return policy.

2: I feel like that black non-descript vehicle over there has a vaguely governmental vibe. Are we sure the Federal Bureau of Cryptid Investigation doesn’t operate in Tecumseh?

3: As far as I know the FBCI doesn’t even know Tecumseh exists. That’s why the red mill pond is such an ideal location for the nursery.

2: I just feel bad for the turtles.

1: Why, what’s with the turtles?

3: According to his guy, the fish are super racist against turtles and only know bad words.

2: Once this little venture has concluded every shelled reptile in the area is likely to need years of therapy.

4: Bummer

3: Gin!

4: That doesn’t make any sense. You’re embarrassing yourself. Stop it.

2: What do we do if Chase shows up?

4: Handle him, he’s just one guy. There’s four of us. As long as the FBCI isn’t onto us I’m not worried. You all know your assignments, Let’s get to it.

Well there you have it. FBCI guys, if you’re listening that sounds like a pretty solid indicator that there may be something going down at the red mill pond. If you’re curious how this is going to turn out, so am I. Let’s find out together at Not Really Radio on Saturday, April 30th at 7pm at Covenant Church.

Until next time, this is Vox saying: Save the turtles!