Have you noticed how much of a buzz catch phrase “healthy boundaries” has become? I notice a great deal of emphasis being placed on looking out for oneself- and that’s not a bad thing at all, but little is made of the experience of the person on the receiving end of the boundary- especially if the person has been sorted by a pop psychology label. It’s as if once they’ve been tagged as a “such and such”, they’re thought less worthy of consideration.
James “Fish” Gill, Heart Coach, and self-proclaimed “conflict nerd,” has pointed this out. He is fascinated by human connection: how it is generated, and how it erodes over time with unskillful interactions. The day I stumbled across his Instagram account , was a fortuitous day indeed, and if you’re not following him already, do it with a quickness, because he will infuse your feed with sweet, full-bodied, heart broadening wisdom.
In the wonderful episode of The Shared Road Podcast I listened to, hosted by Carly McDowell, called Setting Boundaries that Stick, 'Fish' explains that he has asked his audience how they feel when they’re on the receiving end of a boundary, and the response was unanimously negative. How do you feel when someone you love has called you out on an “unacceptable” behavior and informed you that you're expected to change in order to maintain the relationship or stay in that person’s good graces? Shamed? Belittled? Blamed? Rejected? Unseen? Misunderstood? Angry? Defensive?
That’s most often how a boundary is received, because it places the receiver in the wrong- in a place of disapproval like a child who’s “in trouble”.
In setting a boundary, we are making a statement about ourselves, indicating that we are not ok with some action of another. It’s a dangerous game, am I right? It feels, fraught with peril, especially for us introverts.
But with a bit of “heartful” reflection, it doesn’t have to be. Fortunately, that is exactly the area where we introverts shine. Through the gift of this deliberate pondering, we can express a boundary in a way that’s a win for both parties.
And this episode will help you start.
Please listen to the full interview with James 'Fish' Gill here. And check out his amazing group coaching offerings, one coming right up next month.
You are warmly invited to our free Facebook group, The Marriage Saving Society for Introverted Moms, which contains numerous trainings and resources to leverage your unique gifts in managing what can sometimes feel unmanageable. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
You deserve all the love and happiness you can hold- and love digs deep ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹.
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