I hated myself for picking “the wrong man”.

How could I be such an emotionally immature idiot as to jump into marriage with someone who made me so unhappy?

Other people were in romantic, nurturing, connected relationships, but not me.  I had missed my chance by saying those “cursed ‘I do’ words” when I did.

I fell into a deep depression by allowing myself to believe those thoughts.  It was difficult to get out of bed.  My disappointment in him came darn near loathing.  He could sense it, and was driven to do more of the avoidant, self-soothing behaviors that bothered me in the first place, which in turn prompted me to be more dumpy, negative and stinkfaced toward him.  I had no idea that my negative focus was actually creating more of what I didn’t want.  It does that, you know.  Like clockwork.  It’s a right foul shuzzbutt that way.  So I lurched around spending my one wild and precious life thinking I was under a curse from those “cursed ‘I do’ words”.

But gradually, when I went deep into spirituality I started to open myself to a different view.

And instead of feeling “cursed” with unhappiness, I became curious about what was growing and developing in me through the experience.

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