Indy revisits her brief experiment with financial domination, explaining that her motivation came from the frustration of her BDSM encounters feeling purely transactional and one-sided. Charging money was an attempt to reclaim power and ensure she received something tangible in an exchange where she often felt used.
However, her single paid experience stirred up deep moral and personal conflicts. She worried about the potential harm she could be causing the submissive by reinforcing a potentially addictive kink. She was equally concerned about the negative impact on her own character, fearing it would foster entitlement, feed her ego, and change her motivations for the worse. Based on this strong intuitive reaction, she has firmly decided not to pursue the findom path. Instead, she is focusing on her broader journey of integrating her alpha energy with a sense of integrity and wisdom, aiming to use her inherent dominance in a constructive, rather than exploitative, way.
Michael offers a more detailed perspective from his longer experience with paid BDSM, making a crucial distinction between escorting and findom. He defines escorting as a service with a set price where money facilitates a scene. In contrast, he describes findom as a dynamic where the ongoing, manipulative exchange of money is the core sexual act, driven by an intense, euphoric rush.
He expresses deep ambivalence about being a financial dominant. While he finds it highly arousing, he feels morally conflicted, constantly questioning what behaviour he is enabling in his subs. He admits the experience has an addictive quality and has led him to feel disconnected from authentic, non-performative intimacy. He frames this internal struggle using archetypes: his findom persona is the "Shadow Magician" who manipulates and exploits, while his true aspiration is to become "The Elder," a figure of wisdom. He feels trapped in the shadow, theorising that findom serves as a modern ritual for men seeking a sense of belonging in a world of fractured masculine identity, where they literally "pay to belong."
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