Whatever you want to call it, the rage of toddlers (and sometimes older kids) is hard to handle. Katy Gosset looks at why tantrums happen and how we can teach children to manage their emotions.
Whatever you want to call it, the rage of toddlers (and sometimes older kids) is hard to handle. Katy Gosset looks at why tantrums happen and how we can teach children to manage their emotions.
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When we film or photograph our kids, it's usually the good stuff - highs, smiles and milestones.
But one day Jody* filmed her ten-year-old son Andrew* having a tantrum.
It was about the usual bone of contention.
"Tantrums to do with social media devices are the biggest things in our house," she says.
So it was ironic that a device provided a new insight for Andrew when he watched the video back on Jody's phone.
"He just was like 'Mum, that's just ridiculous, look at how I am.'
"I was like 'I know, 'I know! That was really crazy'."
Seeing himself hasn't entirely stopped Andrew's tantrums but Jody feels that allowing her son to experience anger or annoyance was part of preparing him for life.
"There are times when I think 'It's actually OK for you to get cross and grumpy ... if I take this off you, because I am your parent...'
'And part of parenting is that I'm going to upset you occasionally."
People often feel that tantrums are a bad thing, according to clinical psychologist Catherine Gallagher.
" that if our kids have one, we're not parenting well enough or we've got something wrong."
In fact, meltdowns are crucial for children's development, she believes.
"Evolution and development decided long ago that frustration and the resulting tantrum is a necessary part of learning."
Toddlers who had yet to develop a 'theory of mind' often throw tantrums because they cannot make themselves understood, Ms Gallagher says.
"Theory of mind is when we hold that belief or that knowledge that you and I can think different things."
That means a toddler who wants an orange jelly bean will assume her parents know this and become frustrated when her wish isn't granted.
"So you can see how if I'm going 'Where is my orange jelly bean?' and 'you're just not getting it Mum,' and I'm getting upset. equals tantrum."
A good first step to help children manage their feelings is to label the emotion, Ms Gallagher says…