Lying is one of the behaviours that gets under our skin the most. Whether it’s a child saying “I didn’t do it”, a teen spinning a story, or an adult covering up a mistake, our instinct is often to jump straight to moral judgment. But what if lying isn’t about dishonesty at all? What if it’s about survival, safety, control, and self-esteem? In this solo episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker explores the psychology of lying—why it’s a universal behaviour across ages and cultures, what research reveals about punishment versus empathy, and how parents, teachers, and carers can respond in ways that build trust and honesty instead of shame. 💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UKCaring, whether paid or unpaid, deserves recognition. Carers Card UK is the nation’s leading carers card, giving you: An ID card with emergency info access A growing discount network (gyms, days out, clothing, glasses & more) A Wellbeing Hub, Carers Circle tool, and app-based communityAll for less than the cost of a box of chocolates per year.👉 Order yours today  Order your card today 🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned Carers Card UK – sponsor of the Able to Care Podcast Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge – Andy Baker’s book with the TARGET model for de-escalation and behaviour support (available worldwide) Research on lying in child development: Talwar & Lee (2008) – Developmental milestone of lying and theory of mind 🧠 Three Key Messages Lying is normal, not immoral – From monkeys using false calls to five-year-olds testing theory of mind, lying is an adaptive survival strategy. Punishment breeds better liars – Harsh sanctions don’t reduce lying; they teach children to get better at deception to protect themselves. Curiosity beats judgment – Instead of “they lied to me,” ask: What need is this lie protecting? Empathy builds honesty, while shame destroys trust. ⏱️ Chapter Timestamps 00:00 – Why lying triggers moral judgment 00:25 – 💙 Sponsor: Carers Card UK 01:45 – Lying across species and cultures 03:14 – Why all children lie (developmental milestone) 05:10 – Punishment vs empathy: Malaysian study insights 07:45 – Why people lie for control, safety, and esteem 09:22 – Dementia, FASD, and “filling the gaps” 10:22 – Storytelling, self-worth, and “identity lying” 11:35 – Reframing lies: survival, not deceit 13:00 – Avoiding the “parenting trap” when teaching truth 15:17 – Why harsh responses fuel deception 16:27 – Repairing trust instead of shaming 17:57 – Natural consequences and safe environments 18:45 – Final reflection: when honesty feels safe, truth grows 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?If you’ve ever felt frustrated by lying—whether in the classroom, at home, or in care—this episode will change how you see it. Andy Baker blends research, psychology, and lived experience to show how lying can be reframed as a protective behaviour and how empathy, not punishment, is the key to building lasting trust. 🔗 Connect with Us 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk