In this episode of 420 Reasons Why I Quit Drinking, I recount a Cinco de Mayo celebration that took a dark and unforgettable turn. What began as a joyful brunch with my best friends—who came to visit me and their daughter nearby—spiraled into a full-blown blackout.

From shots of Jägermeister (aka “liquid heroin”) to falling off barstools and waking up with no idea how we got home or where we even were, this wasn’t just a party gone wild—it was a moment that left me shaken and hollow.

This story isn't just about what happened—it's about the why behind it. Why did I think that level of chaos was fun? Why did I keep calling this connection and celebration when it was really disconnection and escape?

In this reflection, I share how moments like this helped wake me up to the truth: that blackouts weren’t funny, they were warnings. And healing began when I finally started listening.